why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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