I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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