Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
