But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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