her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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