I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
