You can't special order awesome
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
