We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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