What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize