I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
