Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
