We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
third nipple confirmed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
