I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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