whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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