thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
