My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
