Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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