omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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