Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
