If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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