Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
