His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
