I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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