Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
