what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My feet surprised me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
