Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
