I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
