i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
