A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize