that's an acceptable place to lick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
