he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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