I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
