i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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