So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I look better un-naked...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm passing your future prison.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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