I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
