btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
