The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize