So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
