I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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