Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
