I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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