omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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