this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
