You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
