so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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