dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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