Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
