She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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