I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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