He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
me + whiskey = a bad person
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
