i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
