Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
