i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
two words...techno handjob
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
