one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
