He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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