I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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