Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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