apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize