i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
