They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
