i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
