So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
