She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
