I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
