Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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