Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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