Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
