she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
