Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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