went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
