my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is my gift to your gina
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
