she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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