i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
