Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
