i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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