I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
